started mugging.
well.
if you consider flipping through your notes and staring blankly at the words which seem to be a huge chunk of black mass,

I'M HARDWORKING then.

and every 10min or so,you'll be clicking on your mouse.

read some of my older entries.
jan 06 and so on and so forth.

well.

if you're reading this.
i'm leaving soon.
just confirmed with my mom.

the only thing that's making me stay

is you.



everything will end after feb.
i'm sorry.

started mugging.
well.
if you consider flipping through your notes and staring blankly at the words which seem to be a huge chunk of black mass,

I'M HARDWORKING then.

and every 10min or so,you'll be clicking on your mouse.

read some of my older entries.
jan 06 and so on and so forth.

well.

if you're reading this.
i'm leaving soon.
just confirmed with my mom.

the only thing that's making me stay

is you.



everything will end after feb.
i'm sorry.

yes yes shoutout to LEE PEK KEI for telling me why not close friends instead of anything else.

relative to the previous entry,

i dont think she even cares if i lived.

but i guess i should be happy for her.

i still keep you in my prayers every night ever since..

i dont think she reads my blog cos i just went to hers.

i guess grownups would laugh at us kids when we say we're in love.

probably its because of the simple reason that we're too immature to fully comprehend the meaning of
the the word itself.

but seriously.
i find this completely absurb.

acknowledging the fact that there are people such as my juniors and peers who would jump into such relationships even faster than you can say ' i love you '.

but..
i dunno.
its been a year.
and i have no idea why i still think about her.
and it was never about looks or anything that superficial.

its her heart. =)

after going through that many relationships,
i guess i've finally understood what it is to love someone.
and i'm not rubbishing.

no matter how many or how serious her flaws are.
she's still perfect.

and i've realised how dumb i was.
to let her go then.

jasmine asked if i had a choice to choose between her or my friends last night.
i have no idea.
but i immedaitely said HER without much contemplation

i think she was kinda offended ..er..

but if it really comes to that scenario.
i'm really afraid i would DEFINETELY give up everything for her.

rash maybe. even foolish perhaps.
but that's just me i think.

my mom said she was angry at me because i had always put others before myself whilst not taking care of my own issues.

roar.
everyone keeps making fun of me.
i'm tired of hearing the word 'emo emo emo' everyday.
and how i so dumb to love someone that much.

especially when she's so indifferent. i don't think she'd care if i lived or died.

but still,
i'm not emotional or anything lahh
i was thinking what i could have done then.
frankly, i'm always angry at myself instead of emo. -.-

i suppose everything comes down to the fact that i have never deserved her.


i'm NOTHING
while she's EVERYTHING

no matter what i do, it'll never be enough.
i know this.

i know it.
but

i just can't let her go.

i'm not asking for anything.
i can't.

i'm starting to think that i don't even deserve a smile from her anymore.
not even a reply
not even a 'hello' or 'bye'

but in the end.

she's still happy.

and for that,
i am contented.


but i hate this shred of sadness in me.