these days been topsy turvy yet fun-packed.

went out with the gang todayy
supposely went to support zac and have dinner.

haha. was fun i guess.

but it had really got me thinking.
especially when zac sent sy and kia sent qi home

i sudddenly felt that i was a joke myself.
it all dawned on me that i've taken everything for granted.

i mean its oook if the gang plays with me lah, insults and all.
haha. and yes, kia's peanut throwings.
as long as everyone is happy, i mean i'll be happy too.

but i have no idea why whenever pple starts poking and teasing abt her.
i feel so fake.

each time i'll just smile and pretend its all a joke.
but why the hell does this ripple of sadness ..

ahh screw it.

i think what gwee said was true.
behind every girl i meet

there'll just be a shadow of her lingering.


according to her. thats why i'm so gent. dots..


i feel so sad.
looking at zac and the rest.
at guys holding doors for the gals.
at guys insisting that they pay for everything.
..

wtf.
i should have never taken you for granted.

kept pondering on the train back home.
why does this feeling of sadness would overcome me whenver people ask about her.

truthfully.
i was angry at myself.
angry that i couldn't love her more
and that i was so hopeless.

hell.
i'd endure all of zac's and the rest's insults
fuck.
i'll do anything.

just to see her smile.

why am i so useless.


just give me the chance.
i swear i'll do anything.

christmas this year?
not any 34719083410983831870 bucks present.

just one 2cent message 'merry christmas' from her

...


i swear i'll be the most happy boy alive.